“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel “

– Steven Furtik

 

We are all guilty at one point or another of comparing our lives to someone else’s. Sizing ourselves up against our friends or neighbors in a private game of who’s better.

 

We live in an outrage culture where someone is continuously offended, insulted, or pulling to see others fail. As a society, we no longer look at the underdog to rise to the top. Instead, we revert to telling them they’re wasting their time trying to start the business of their dreams. “It will never work; no one wants to drink craft beer and ice skate.” Um, I kind of do. It doesn’t make you feel any better when you display this kind of behavior; in fact, it makes you feel worse and gives your self-confidence a real punch in the gut. I am as guilty as you are now and again, and I’m not proud to admit it.

The prevalence of social media outlets like Facebook and Instagram have made things even worse. We now know every exotic location that our friends visit, what they ate and the fabulous clothes they wore. How did we ever know what good food looked like before Instagram? It can be devastating and depressing to see all these highlight reels when our own life seems bland and mundane day in and day out.  What are we missing out on that all these other people have?

The actor Johhny Depp said it best when it comes to money, “Money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it buys you a big enough yacht to sail right up to it.” I think at one point in my life I’d like to give this “extra money” thing a try and see how the other half lives.

 

 

Stop Comparing

7 Ways To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

 

What are the best ways to stop comparing yourself to others? Here are a few tips that I have found to be useful:

 

Practice self-awareness

Become more self-aware of what triggers you to have thoughts of self-comparison. Social media seems to be the biggest for most of us. If this is the case for you, limit the amount of time you spend on social media or stop following those that seem to be constant bragging offenders. Try to avoid putting yourself in situations that trigger social comparisons. Don’t go clothes shopping with your friends in high-end stores if you can’t afford the clothes or can’t be happy that they can.

utilities are cool

Some of these feelings of comparison can come on quickly. One minute you’re okay, and the next moment you see a nice new sports car and remember that your car most likely won’t pass inspection next month. Write down your triggers so you can be aware of them in the future.

 

 

 

 

Be grateful

The time to reflect on what you do have and be grateful is when you begin to experience feelings of comparison.  More often than not, the outward appearance of a situation is not what’s going on inside. My wife and I have often noticed couples who seem to be doing well in life with large homes and fancy cars but come to find out they are miserable at home and have terrible marriages.  Remember that most people are putting their best life forward on social media and in public, but when you pull back the curtain, you reveal a different story.

You never know what is going on behind closed doors, so be happy for all that you have even if you feel it doesn’t measure up to others.

 

 

 

 

Stop the thoughts! 

I’ve already discussed figuring out your triggers, but the trick is once you do feel comparison coming on, stop the thoughts. Take a deep breath and a minute to pause. Change your focus to the positives and what you are grateful for. Support people’s success and you might find this positive change causing you to succeed more.

 

 

 

Use comparison as fuel to motivate you

Look for healthy comparisons that can motivate you. Is there someone in your life who is the most positive person you’ve ever been around who makes you want to elevate yourself? Substitute negative comparisons for positive ones and become a better person. A critical part of goal setting incorporates striving and working hard for something. It is OK to want a more beautiful car. Make that nice car your goal and have it fuel you to do better and work harder instead of negatively motivating you against people who have more expensive things than you.

 

 

 

Remember, no one is perfect, especially you! 

The perfect person doesn’t exist, so stop thinking they do. No one is perfect! You may have the mindset that you need to be perfect all the time, and if you don’t achieve perfection, you feel as though you’ve failed. Keep trying to improve yourself but realize you will never be that perfect person and be ok with that. Imperfection is what makes people who they are and what makes us all different.

Life = Risk and those that risk and step out of their comfort zone often are successful, more rounded people. There is a certain amount of success found in each failure. If we don’t fail in life, we will never succeed.

 

 

 

Love more – hate less

Comparing yourself to others can be eye-opening. When you look introspectively at yourself, you may find that you are judgemental and critical of other people to make yourself feel better about you. This negative way of thinking and acting can force you not to take notice of the postives in your life.

When you focus on the positives of the people you surround yourself with, you will start to feel more positivity in yourself and your life. Be thankful for all you do have, instead of comparing yourself to others and focussing on what others have that you don’t.

 

 

 

Compare only to yourself

Focus on your life and what you want to achieve and what you have already done in your life. Looking at what you have now versus last year can be a real motivational tool. Again, this is where goal setting plays a significant role in our lives.  We are all different people and lead different lives. Focus on what you are doing and stop worrying about others. Thinking in this way can help you find areas in life that you need to work on. Where someone else is in life has no direct effect on your life. Only you can control your path in life.

 

Stop comparing yourself to others. A focus on not “having enough” will cause you to stay in an endless loop of negativity that will never lead to happiness.  It won’t matter how many beautiful clothes you own, or expensive watches you buy, you will always want more. Chances are if you look hard enough, you may realize that what you have right now is all you ever really needed. For most of us, all we need is a roof over our head, food on the table each night, clothes on our back, and, most importantly, people who love us.

If you have these things right now, you have enough. Anything more is a bonus in life!

Do you compare yourself to others at times, and what do you do to stop this way of thinking? Let me know in the comments below.

15 Comments

  1. kara hyvarinen

    I’m so guilty of comparing myself to others. It seems like I’m constantly trying to compete with other moms or other bloggers. I need to remember to take a step back and just chill.

    Reply
  2. Kelly Martin

    I used to compare myself to other people a lot. I found that scrolling through instagram and Facebook seeing friends travelling, getting married etc. would lead me to compare myself to them and feel depressed at times. Now I’ve stopped using instagram and only use Facebook for work so I’m comparing myself to others less and definitely much happier!

    Reply
    • Scott DeNicola

      Social media and comparing yourself to others is like FOMO as well (fear of missing out)

      Reply
  3. LuLu B - Calabrisella Mia

    This blog post is SO important for us to read! With social media, we look at others and think they have it all, when in reality that might not always be the case!
    Like you mention, it’s so important to change our thoughts and be grateful for what we have. I’m a firm believer that true abundance comes from being thankful and grateful for what you already have! We get what we put out into the world – so focusing on positivity, love and our personal goals is the only way to really succeed! I’m really focusing on more of this in 2020! Thank you for your reminder and tips to stay focused on what’s important! 🙂

    Reply
    • Scott DeNicola

      Thanks LuLu.

      Reply
  4. Alexandra

    You know, these were really good points. I’ve read some of them but some I hadn’t really thought of before. Like, compare only to yourself.

    I’ve been pretty frustrated with how I have handled (and not handled) a lot of things that have been going on in my life lately. However, if any of this were to have happened say, 12 to 15 years ago, I would have been SUNK! I never thought of it that way but it sure makes you feel better.

    The one thing that I have been doing is following a lot of the **REAL** people posts on Instagram. There are a lot of worn-out moms who are really telling it like it is and sharing their journey and it really does make you feel better about yourself. If I need a pick-me-up I just log on to their newsfeed and read some of their real, inspirational (or even teary meltdown) posts. They always encourage you to be yourself, value who you are and where you are at, and let you know that you aren’t alone in how you feel and that it is most likely *normal* for your particular situation. Thanks for this message!

    Reply
    • Scott DeNicola

      Thank you for the reply Alexandra. It’s good to find real people to follow who share some of our same struggles

      Reply
  5. Aryanne Padilha

    Sigh. I used to do a lot of that. Practicing gratitude changed this for me. The quote is so spot-on, especially with social media nowadays, we tend to compare our behind the scenes with the other’s person highlight reel. The thing, the grass is not greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. So that was that for me!!

    Reply
    • Scott DeNicola

      I like your quote. It is greener where you water it.

      Reply
  6. Dreams Abroad

    Stop comparing yourself to others is what my father told me and I wish more fathers would do the same. Teaching their children to do more loving things in this world. I blame social media. The facts are here in black and white!

    Reply
  7. Lindsay Brown

    #RealTalk man! This post is right on the money. I know I’ve found myself stewing away while looking at a friend of a friend’s third cousin’s elaborate wedding plastered all over Facebook. And then, as I am juuust getting into the ten-tiered cake cutting photos, I realize that I am a huge weirdo and creeper, and I’ve just wasted 45minutes being jealous of a stranger that I somehow stumbled over on social media.

    So, needless to say, it is essential to follow these tips you’ve laid out on how to stop comparing yourself to others and instead use that precious time to make the positive changes to better your own life!

    Once again, fantastic post Scott!

    Reply
    • Scott DeNicola

      Social media can be good for some things but most times it is a black hole of wasted time

      Reply
  8. Subhashish Roy

    Such simple and practical ways that you listed down. Comparing ourselves with others is a natural phenomenon that we all are guilty of. Realization followed by gratitude and actionable steps can only give us comfort and happiness . Great post.

    Reply
  9. Sonia Seivwright

    Self-Comparison was a big issue for me growing up, during my teenage years. As an adult, I have learnt that there is no such perfect and we are all unique.

    Reply
  10. Erica (The Prepping Wife)

    I find putting these tips into practice to really be a game changer. Otherwise I would get sucked into social media or have a bad day and wallow in jealousy. I also remind myself that social media isn’t an accurate portrayal of our lives. We let people see what we want them to see there. Gratitude is a big one for me. Life isn’t perfect, and who wants perfection? Not only does it not exist, it is boring. The personal journey we take to get to where we are is the best part. Usually the untold part of a story too. We only see the end results, not necessarily the struggles.

    Reply

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